Express Yourself

When you are on your back like an over-ambitious tortoise, you really find out who your friends are. I could have been up to my eyes in shit at the moment. But thanks to a few who have stuck their neck out for me, I have a place to stay at the moment and all the support I could ever need after what can be described as 'trouble with the folks'. So over the past few days I've mostly been harassing potential employers, smoking weed (you would not believe how plentiful this stuff is among students), and discovering how little you can really pay for something to eat. For example, for the price of a Big Mac, I can buy a whole week's worth of noodles. But I suppose the best things in life are free, eh? *winkwink nudgenudge*

And if you have no friends, then at least you'll give some
scavenging animal a lovely meal.

As well as trying to secure actual paid work, I am also scrabbling to get some voluntary work experience at a local newspaper, which doesn't seem to be happening. They have ignored all my
e-mails, and their offices are about as welcoming as Alcatraz. Dear staff at the Evening Express. If you are reading this blog entry, please respond to my fucking e-mail. Yes, there is a mild possibility that someone from the paper is reading this, because I included a link to this blog in my CV. Which makes me wonder. Was that a bad move? I've had praise for the writing style I use in this blog. But then again I use some wonderful imagery and similes about paedophile semen and children dying in third world countries which probably wouldn't be ideal  in an article about a 7 year old and his battle against cancer*. When employers and other people in a position of power say they want to get to know you, how much do they mean it? It's fairly common practice for employers to be discouraged from hiring you based on how drunk you look in your facebook picture. I can understand this a little. But it's also pretty fucking stupid. Despite the fact that I swear, rant, and drink excessively while blogging, it doesn't mean I'll do that in the workplace. Employers everywhere - go outside and get a little air. I'm pretty sure the majority of your employees don't spend their spare time counting down the seconds until their next shift whilst reading the company rulebook. If anything, those doing that sort of thing should be avoided. They always end up killing everybody and nibbling the genitalia off the bodies.

My flatmate is coming back soon, and she makes the most wonderful lasagne.

What I'm currently listening to  > \Battles - Gloss Drop/**

Thanks for reading!

*I wouldn't be that stupid, I'm just saying that the Evening Express might think I am
**Yes, this is new. I listen to a lot of music, been meaning to do something like this for a while. Deal with it.

Spirits in the Material World

Why hello there! This paragraph here? It's usually filled with things going on in my life. But I don't really have a clue what is happening really. I'm back in Aberdeen but I don't know how long I'll be staying for. The job I was hoping to get was given to someone else but "they'll keep my name on file" and that "there are other positions coming up soon". And my parents want me down at theirs to look after my brother and do some humdrum tasks. At the same time I'm trying to get work experience. And I'm also trying to do things like visit people I like and have a good time in the summer. As soon as I do one thing, it's more or less guaranteed that something else will pop up. Groovy times! On the other hand I've done quite well with my exam results and I haven't probably treated myself. So fuck everything else, I'm drinking tonight (probably by myself, lol).

I've always wondered how Thomas would deal with
 a bunch of rowdy drunks inside him. 

If you've been following my blog for a good while, you might remember a lazy post I did about bus journeys. Well, when I was at my parents in the West of Scotland, to get anywhere that might have something as sophisticated as shops that don't just sell bread, milk, and newspapers, I had to travel by train. Which is a similar experience to riding a bus. But it has a lot more space for drunks to dance, shout loudly, and pee. And much like the bus you overhear some usually dull, but sometimes interesting conversations. One conversation in particular that I remember was conducted by a seller. That may sound vague, but every 50 people or so, you'll meet a 'seller'. Now, this person might not even work in sales (although they generally do) but you can never trust them, because normal conversation just sounds like they want something from you. In this particular conversation the 'seller' had got tickets for an event at the London 2012 Olympics. By the sounds of things, the friend had entrusted the 'seller' with money for the tickets, but the 'seller' had got more expensive tickets the friend didn't necessarily want. "Yeah, I just got premium xtra sooper dooper wow tickets that only cost £100* more, but I think it's so much better in the long run? I mean, we only have to wait in a 5 minute queue? I mean, we don't have to wait about all day, it won't be that big, but it means we get seats almost right at the front? It's actually pretty good value, I mean, we get cup holders in the seats, and we see all the action SO MUCH CLOSER and it's not worth ruining our experience right? And you know..." I'll stop there, I think you get the idea.

Do you have any friends like this? I don't. If you've read this blog for any period of time you'll know I hate a lot of things. But 'sellers' have to be in my top 3 pet hates somewhere. They'll rub your back and kiss your arse, they'll guilt trip you, and they'll fire 'advantages' and 'perks' at you like semen fires out of a paedophiles' penis whilst watching Lazytown. All to get you to do something they want. I suppose you could argue that for a career, I'll be doing exactly the same thing, but I'll want information and stories as opposed to money. To those people I say shush. If you have been forced to work in sales because you haven't got any money and you can't afford to be fussy, I really don't envy you. My sympathies go out to you. Unless you try to sell me something. 

Thanks for reading!

*I can't remember exactly what he said here, I just made stuff up to give you the general idea

Yank Crime

So I'm saying goodbye to a few things. I've said goodbye to my fairly long hair, which made me resemble a number of eighties musicians and made me less likely to get ID'd for alcohol. And I'm heading back up to Aberdeen in a few days, which means goodbye parental unit, goodbye rain, and goodbye miscellaneous people I know about here. And the final goodbye, which has still yet to be confirmed properly, is to unemployment. After getting used to it, the world of work has crept up behind me and slapped me on the back, making me shit myself. I'm not allergic to doing stuff. I've had to look after my brother who broke his leg, and I've been cutting grass, trimming hedges, walking the dog etc a number of times over the past couple of weeks. I've just never really been in formal employment so I'm kindof wondering what's gonna crop up. Oh well, cash is cash.

Yeah, you should probably completely
ignore the word 'Railcard' 

Now over the past couple of years I've become a little bit of a music snob and I tend to listen to music by album now. But sometimes one particular will song will stand out a lot, and I will play it to death despite my brain's protests that this will only mean I will quickly become sick of the song, and it will fester at the bottom of my itunes for a year or so (yes I use itunes, deal with it). Rock and Roll part 2 by Gary Glitter was the offender this time. That main riff was already wedged in my brain somewhere, but for a number of years I've been unable to pinpoint the artist. Looking it up on Wikipedia, I can see the song has been used in Happy Gilmore, The Longest Yard, Small Soldiers, Meet the Fockers and Semi-Pro to name a very small number of motion pictures in which the song is included. It's probably one of the greatest riffs in the history of popular music. But the name and artist has evaded me for years. Most likely because of Mr Glitter's very poor childcare record. Which annoys me a little. I know this may be a little more extreme, but it reminds me a little of the people that are in favour of burning Hitler's paintings, and to a lesser extent, the fact that Mein Kampf is banned in Germany.

We aren't children, we don't need to be scared that playing 'Leader of the Gang' is going to create a whole batch of paedophiles, or even that Mein Kampf will create a nazi sympathiser. Out of sight, out of mind won't change the past. If you ignore something for long enough it's going to come back to haunt you. Somebody's horrible actions will not change what they've done. Beside a child abuse awareness ribbon on Glitter's facebook fan club page it is summed up simply - 'It's about the music'.

Well, it's a lovely day so I'm gonna cut hedges for a while. It's work, but waving a electric hedge trimmer about makes me feel like Derek in Bad Taste. Thanks for reading!