Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Modest Dog

Pictures of wasps make my skin crawl, so here's
Sting looking like a twat instead
There are a lot of bad things about getting up early. Everybody knows how ghastly it feels to wake up to a bleating alarm, emerging from the warm hug of your bed covers to the cold and unforgiving world of being awake. But there is one thing I hate even more, and that is the brief, terrifying intermissions that come on show in your head during the 10 minute snoozes. This morning I had to rise at 8 o' clock for the first time in months. I ignored the first alarm, and hit snooze. Falling asleep pretty quickly, I looked over the side of the bed. A number of wasps were crawling about on the floor. Many more were emerging from various items of clothing. Ants, beetles, and a number of other disgusting insects followed, with some taking flight and landing on my face. It was then that I actually woke up in a cold sweat. With much effort, I turned my head to the floor to find out it was just another sick dream. But those vile thoughts lingered for another 5 minutes as I groggily put my clothes on. Ugh. The past week has been uneventful, up until the start of the weekend. On the Friday, I went to a party at a friends, which kicked off an entire weekend of drinking, acting like an idiot, and meeting some great new people. According to sources I ate a BLT sandwich naked in front of two people I'd known for 2 days. I also attacked my boyfriend in my sleep. Again. Elbowing him hard in the face can be added to
-Slapping his face (twice)
-Punching him in the chin
-Attempting to wrench his fingers from his arm
-Spitting in his face
-Talking nonsense to him, which ranges from mumbling about the process of animation to shouting about utility bills
All while unconscious. Aren't I romantic?

I hope you enjoyed last week's post, but I'm leaving part 2 until next week because I think it's a bit repetitive to do two music blogs in a row. This week I'm going to do a review. My last one seemed to go okay, although I gave everything the same rating and I became increasingly aggressive even though the alcohol was pleasant. This week's items are not alcoholic, but I have nevertheless decided to drink some booze in order to review fairly and accurately. The products I will be reviewing this week are the four limited edition flavours brought out by Nestle for the kit-kat. My blog description says I have a love of cider and a sweet tooth. I've yet to expose my sweet tooth to the blogging world so I thought 'why not?'

Kit-kats. Four of the bastards.
So here's the deal - kit-kat is keeping one of these flavours based on the votes on their website. I assume the winner will be the one with the most votes, but these sort of things never seem to work out. My drink of choice is 2 litres of cheap cider, so to to give you a comparison I'm about as drunk as when I finished those three bottles in my last review. I still have 2/3s of the bottle to go. Videogame of choice is Spyro 2, the first flavour is white chocolate. Here we go!

I have to say that white chocolate works surprisingly well with the biscuit on my first impression. This is, however, my first bite. By the end I'm going to be on the verge of vomiting and my teeth will be reduced to dust. It reminds me that I rather like chunky kit-kats. The chocolate is always thick enough and the wafer adds a bit of depth. I doubt that will change much with each flavour. I can't say much else, really. Nestle have white chocolate sussed (Exhibit A: Milky Bars) so you can pretty much imagine what it is like.

Fuck, these monkeys are hard to kill. 'Sparx' the dragonfly takes the hits for Spyro, so the poor bastard is getting rocks battered against his tiny frame while Spyro chills. I really love this game, fantastic soundtrack too. You know, I used to have a bit of a crush on sp- uhm ahem...yeah, the next kit-kat. Orange! I could eat this normally, but these guys aren't Terry's when it comes to chocolate orange. That piled on top of the fact that a lot of folk aren't keen on orange anyway gives me the gut feeling that this won't win. Not too bad though.

It's just a cartoon dragon you sick fuck, you get
no captions tittering about how 'horny' he is
Yeah, you have to flame the monkeys at the top of your jump, and you have to be really close as well. There are some snails elephants that don't die from the charge attack too, which is a bitch because they are pretty fast. This game really makes me miss the age of platforming games. I don't know if I don't see them as much because shooters have taken over in general, or because I've simply grown out of them. I remember playing a Playstation 2 version of Spyro, and although it wasn't that different it lost a lot of its charm. Ah. Peanut butter now. This is a controversial one for me. In the states, the yanks have fully embraced peanut butter and sugary treats. But I remain distinctly British. My tongue just doesn't seem to appreciate the blend even though I love both separately. But I like this one. A lot. The peanut butter is smooth and creamy, for some reason I just can't like crunchy peanut butter. It isn't loaded with the stuff to a disgusting degree, so I'm very happy. So far this has my vote. Very good.

Double chocolate now. Don't know what to say about this one, really. There is another layer of slightly different chocolate under the main skin. As much as I like chocolate, it's just 'okay' and the concept feels half-arsed. I thought they might have done something to the wafer at least. Again, it isn't making me throw up but it isn't really winning my heart over. Bland.

I'm giving this an abrupt ending, because the booze and the early start this morning are slowly hypnotising me. Part 2 of my 2011 music is coming up next week, so keep yer eyes on this blog.

What I'm currently listening to > \Public Image Ltd - Flowers of Romance/

Thanks for reading!


  1. I think I have set the world's record for the number of times consecutively hitting the snooze I have a lot of those damn dreams. I will tell you one of these snooze alarm dreams I had today. I dreamt I was watching the Bulls game, and Michael Jordan was playing (even though he is retired which should have been a tip-off it was a dream), and they come back from commercial break and announce Michael Jordan broke his leg and it was FOX News reporters Chris Wallace's fault. See, Wallace was interviewing Jordan, and Michael Jordan tried to life up portly Chris Wallace as a joke, but Michael fell over and broke his leg. Also, for some reason the interview was taking place in some sort of large pool of water, and Chris Wallace and Michael Jordan were wearing snorkeling equipment.

    Well, I guess this is what happens when you go to sleep after eating too many kit-kat bars.