La Ciel Chromatique part 2

Although I'm not the sort of person that likes to reminisce, I am am unable to stop the fact the fact that I miss some things. I miss my other half. I miss having money. I miss having a working oven. I miss being five years old, having no idea what a paedophile was, building a machine that would kill santa and making thrones out of mud. But most of all, I miss this blog. No. Really. I miss the days where I updated this every single day. After a while I updated it every two days. Two days became four days. Four days became a week. I haven't updated this in almost a month as most of you are probably aware. Which is sad. Ah well. Here's to the 50th attempt at consistency. Updates in my life: Got an interview on Thursday, struggling a little with a massive report due in a couple of weeks, and I'm still a reclusive alcoholic. Going to crack on and discuss my favourite albums from last year, continuing from part 1 a few weeks back.

5.Battles - Gloss Drop

When Tinkerbell takes a dump

In my humble opinion, no 'top albums of 2011' list should be complete without Battles' Gloss Drop. After their solid debut, Mirrored, the band have since shed their lead singer and replaced him with a number of guest vocalists (including Gary Numan, oddly enough) on this release. Battles pretty much do experimental music for people that hate experimental music. The sounds are unique, but the melodies have a playful, childish quality, bursting with energy. The fact that John Stanier (one of my favourite drummers) happens to be on this album also made this an incredibly joyous listen.

4.The Beach Boys - Smile
This is a bit of a weird one. Smile was originally recorded in 1966/1967, but if you know much about the Beach Boys, you'll know that front man Brian Wilson flipped his shit and hid in his room for a few years smoking weed before the recording process was complete. Since then, the mythical album was released in various forms - Smiley Smile was released in 1967, further Smile bootlegs were leaked in the early nineties, and Brian Wilson re-recorded and released the album under his own name in 2004. But is this just the band/record label completely milking the public for the naive fools we are? Probably. Regardless, this version is known as 'The Smile sessions' and it's probably the closest we're ever going to get to hearing the original album as it was intended. Gritty and hard-hitting it ain't. But the group's voice harmonisations and melodic psychedelia touch on a exciting part in musical history, which stands out as a fantastic album even today.

3.Oneohtrix Point Never - Replica
A journey through an endless, industrial jungle from the 1980s with with all of humanity wiped out. Filmed by Stanley Kubrick. On acid. I'm not quite sure how else I can describe this album. It has the most exciting and unique sounds to come out of any experimental ambient album I've heard in my life. The synthesizers chop and change; they buzz angrily, they provide a heartbeat, they softly sigh as if they were featuring on the Blade Runner soundtrack. The samples used on the album are mostly from adverts from the 1980s, funnily enough, but rather than lazily giving the album cheesy excerpts, the sounds are extremely well crafted into intricate, emotional pieces.


2. Colin Stetson - New History Warfare 2: Judges

Try playing 'Careless Whisper' on that beast

Before this album, I'd never heard of a bass saxophone in my life. I suppose I just assumed everyone was playing an elaborate prank on me for a while. But 'Judges' has turned out to be my favourite album of 2011 along with the next entry. Although labelled as avant-garde, Stetson's playing is anything but. Wild, skilful, and completely unpredictable, the sax is completely transformed as an instrument, into something dark and shadowy. Having mastered the art of circular breathing, Stetson achieves fast, uninterrupted playing which will stomp all over any ideas you had of the saxophone being nothing but a platform for cheesy pop or jazz.

1. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues
Giving absolutely no thanks to the generic garbage that is Mumford & Sons, I acquired an opinion that was pretty much "Once you've heard one acoustic-indie sort of band, you've heard them all because they are generic pieces of shit" last year. That was until I gave Helplessness Blues a listen. Fleet Foxes aren't terribly unique with their formula (well crafted acoustic playing with a vocalist that sounds like a bleating lamb), but they manage to execute it amazingly well. The Shrine/An Argument touches my soul in a way not a lot of music does, and the album flows exceptionally well. The tracks aren't cluttered in any way,  each instrument is arranged so that it could be argued that any one of them is the centrepiece of the track. There are inspired appearances from a number of instruments and the lyrics are a beautiful compliment to the entire album.

Changed my mind this time, and I'm linking to the songs on youtube instead of making them available for download. It's probably easier for both of us that way. So here's a little selection of some of my favourite tracks from 2011. They come with the usual warning of the music varying heavily. I was going to put them in some sort of order depending on how weird or experimental I thought each track was, but it became a fruitless exercise. Enjoy -

Oneohtrix Point Never - Up
The Vaccines - Norgaard
Fleet Foxes - The Shrine/An Argument
Colin Stetson - A Dream of Water
Primus  - Tragedy's a Comin'
Battles - Ice Cream
Protest the Hero - Hair Trigger
The Beach Boys - Surf's Up

I'm suddenly becoming annoyed at really stupid things. One of my dickhead flatmates tied up a full bin bag and just left it in the kitchen, and they think it's a good idea to keep opening the windows in this freezing cold shithole of a flat. So I better end the blog now.

Thanks for reading!

Modest Dog

Pictures of wasps make my skin crawl, so here's
Sting looking like a twat instead

There are a lot of bad things about getting up early. Everybody knows how ghastly it feels to wake up to a bleating alarm, emerging from the warm hug of your bed covers to the cold and unforgiving world of being awake. But there is one thing I hate even more, and that is the brief, terrifying intermissions that come on show in your head during the 10 minute snoozes. This morning I had to rise at 8 o' clock for the first time in months. I ignored the first alarm, and hit snooze. Falling asleep pretty quickly, I looked over the side of the bed. A number of wasps were crawling about on the floor. Many more were emerging from various items of clothing. Ants, beetles, and a number of other disgusting insects followed, with some taking flight and landing on my face. It was then that I actually woke up in a cold sweat. With much effort, I turned my head to the floor to find out it was just another sick dream. But those vile thoughts lingered for another 5 minutes as I groggily put my clothes on. Ugh. The past week has been uneventful, up until the start of the weekend. On the Friday, I went to a party at a friends, which kicked off an entire weekend of drinking, acting like an idiot, and meeting some great new people. According to sources I ate a BLT sandwich naked in front of two people I'd known for 2 days. I also attacked my boyfriend in my sleep. Again. Elbowing him hard in the face can be added to
-Slapping his face (twice)
-Punching him in the chin
-Attempting to wrench his fingers from his arm
-Spitting in his face
-Talking nonsense to him, which ranges from mumbling about the process of animation to shouting about utility bills
All while unconscious. Aren't I romantic?

I hope you enjoyed last week's post, but I'm leaving part 2 until next week because I think it's a bit repetitive to do two music blogs in a row. This week I'm going to do a review. My last one seemed to go okay, although I gave everything the same rating and I became increasingly aggressive even though the alcohol was pleasant. This week's items are not alcoholic, but I have nevertheless decided to drink some booze in order to review fairly and accurately. The products I will be reviewing this week are the four limited edition flavours brought out by Nestle for the kit-kat. My blog description says I have a love of cider and a sweet tooth. I've yet to expose my sweet tooth to the blogging world so I thought 'why not?'

Kit-kats. Four of the bastards.

So here's the deal - kit-kat is keeping one of these flavours based on the votes on their website. I assume the winner will be the one with the most votes, but these sort of things never seem to work out. My drink of choice is 2 litres of cheap cider, so to to give you a comparison I'm about as drunk as when I finished those three bottles in my last review. I still have 2/3s of the bottle to go. Videogame of choice is Spyro 2, the first flavour is white chocolate. Here we go!

I have to say that white chocolate works surprisingly well with the biscuit on my first impression. This is, however, my first bite. By the end I'm going to be on the verge of vomiting and my teeth will be reduced to dust. It reminds me that I rather like chunky kit-kats. The chocolate is always thick enough and the wafer adds a bit of depth. I doubt that will change much with each flavour. I can't say much else, really. Nestle have white chocolate sussed (Exhibit A: Milky Bars) so you can pretty much imagine what it is like.
7/10

Fuck, these monkeys are hard to kill. 'Sparx' the dragonfly takes the hits for Spyro, so the poor bastard is getting rocks battered against his tiny frame while Spyro chills. I really love this game, fantastic soundtrack too. You know, I used to have a bit of a crush on sp- uhm ahem...yeah, the next kit-kat. Orange! I could eat this normally, but these guys aren't Terry's when it comes to chocolate orange. That piled on top of the fact that a lot of folk aren't keen on orange anyway gives me the gut feeling that this won't win. Not too bad though.
6.3/10

It's just a cartoon dragon you sick fuck, you get
no captions tittering about how 'horny' he is

Yeah, you have to flame the monkeys at the top of your jump, and you have to be really close as well. There are some snails elephants that don't die from the charge attack too, which is a bitch because they are pretty fast. This game really makes me miss the age of platforming games. I don't know if I don't see them as much because shooters have taken over in general, or because I've simply grown out of them. I remember playing a Playstation 2 version of Spyro, and although it wasn't that different it lost a lot of its charm. Ah. Peanut butter now. This is a controversial one for me. In the states, the yanks have fully embraced peanut butter and sugary treats. But I remain distinctly British. My tongue just doesn't seem to appreciate the blend even though I love both separately. But I like this one. A lot. The peanut butter is smooth and creamy, for some reason I just can't like crunchy peanut butter. It isn't loaded with the stuff to a disgusting degree, so I'm very happy. So far this has my vote. Very good.
8.2/10

Double chocolate now. Don't know what to say about this one, really. There is another layer of slightly different chocolate under the main skin. As much as I like chocolate, it's just 'okay' and the concept feels half-arsed. I thought they might have done something to the wafer at least. Again, it isn't making me throw up but it isn't really winning my heart over. Bland.
5.8/10

I'm giving this an abrupt ending, because the booze and the early start this morning are slowly hypnotising me. Part 2 of my 2011 music is coming up next week, so keep yer eyes on this blog.

What I'm currently listening to > \Public Image Ltd - Flowers of Romance/

Thanks for reading!

La Ciel Chromatique part 1

This was one of the things that came up when I
tried to apply for a job online. And they say the
internet makes everything easier.

So right after I whined about not being able to join a band, I managed to jam with a friend a couple of days after my last post. The whole thing was a completely spontaneous exercise and allowed me live a little and get drunk. It's highly unlikely that anything will come of it band-wise, but at least I know that I've improved since my last interaction with other musicians. And it's back into full swing with the job hunting too. I won't bore you with the whole process. But application websites have been a malfunctioning mess and the people I hand out my CV to have proven to be little better. Although I force myself to leave the flat at least once a day, I have been trapped inside my room with unlimited (yet pretty dodgy and slow) supplies of glorious internet. This is an environment perfect for twisting a pleasant little hobby into an ugly and anti-social obsession, and my love for music has turned into just that.

So this week, I've decided to talk about my favourite music discoveries of last year. The first tHIING (Oh absolutely swell, my caps lock is buggered, fucking piece of shit) I would (oh hey it's back to normal) like to say is that I have no idea if I'm ever going to be a music writer. I love writing, and I love music, so naturally the topic often pops up in my blog. But after reading sites like Pitchfork, my faith in music journalism has decreased significantly. Half the time these plebs spend the review talking about how horrible it was that they spilt their soya mocha latte (complete with ironic marshmallows) over their skinny jeans, and how horrible it is that they have to be paid to listen to more music and daintily tap in a few sentences into a macbook (I'm not the biggest fan of Apple products). Alright, so that was a bit of an exaggeration. But I'm unsure if I'm cut out for the whole thing. I've had people say
"Hmmm, yeah, your blog was good...but I kinda skipped the music parts..boring..."
and
"Don't write about music"
But also
"...solid review!"
And I've also had someone softly hold my hand, looking into my eyes over a plate of roast parsnips, saying
"Your blog...all of it...it's amazing...I wish I could write like you"
And although some of those stories may have been exaggerated a little, they are based on real things people have said, and it shows that reception to my music reviews is mixed. Oh well too bad, this what you are getting anyway. You can skip the rest now. You know who you are.

Hesitant Calamari blog banner '72

Okay, I've decided to split this up into two blogs. This first list is of music is some stuff I discovered last year that wasn't actually released in 2011. If that makes sense. The second part will contain my favourite stuff actually released in 2011, and it might not even be my next blog entry! Woah!

5. Gentle Giant - Octopus
Referring to the 8 songs that make up the album, Gentle Giant's 'magnum opus' pops up in many essential album lists for progressive rock. However, Gentle Giant are quite often swept aside in favour of prog titans such as Yes, Rush, Jethro Tull, and Emerson Lake & Palmer, which is very unfortunate. The band show an amazing display of musicianship without too much guitar wankery other bands of the time were susceptible to. The harmonized vocals are extremely fun and can be insanely clever at times. A must if you like progressive rock or metal.

4.Wire - 154

Reminds me of a painting I made. When I was 3.

I stumbled upon Wire's fantastic debut Pink Flag a couple of years ago, and stupidly ignored every other release by them. 154, along with Chairs Missing, has an eerie, anxious energy. On the opening track, 'I Should Have Known Better' Bassist Lewis thuds away manically, and upon him darkly muttering "In an act of contrition..." you know what you've let yourself in for right away.

3.Tears for Fears - Songs from the Big Chair
Featuring three massive hits, this new-wave album should be a throwaway eighties pop affair. But it isn't. It can do dark and ambient ('Listen') and it can do raucous and energetic ('Mother's Talk', 'Shout'). It's another moan about the nuclearwarthatneverhappened from some limp wristed ninnies, but Roland Orzabal has one of the best voices of the eighties and the music itself is exceptionally well crafted.

2.Test Dept. - The Unacceptable Face of Freedom
Having heard nothing of this band before seeing them on a music forum, I decided to take the plunge and give them a try. This early industrial act made use of scrap metal in their percussion, but rather than bashing objects at random in an avant-garde fashion, a great deal of effort was put into creating pounding, intimidating rhythms. The band also uses a wide variety of strange samples and instruments, but probably the most notable thing about the album would be how scary it is. Fuck the Sex Pistols or System of a Down, I've never heard a band where political viewpoints come through as raw and as harsh as this. Brutal and shocking without any signs of a scream or a chugging guitar, this album is fantastic. If you use this sort of thing as chill out music, then you are officially a psychopath.

1.Leonard Cohen - The Songs of Leonard Cohen
In 1967, before the release of his debut album, Cohen was asked
"Aren't you a little old for this game?" Mr Cohen, now 77, is continuing to tour and is releasing his latest album at the end of the month. Finally listening to his music last year after a request for a Leonard Cohen song came up at the hospital radio, I struggled to compose myself when 'Suzanne' finished. For someone that usually finds 'folk' music incredibly boring, Cohen's bitter tales of fragile minds and loneliness reach out and fill the mind with clear images and emotions. The classically inspired guitar work is a complete inspiration.

Alright, I've made up a little playlist showcasing some of the bands I discovered/rediscovered this year, and it's available to download right here. Here's the track listing too, and please remember that it's a zip file so you'll need winrar/winzip/whatever.

The Replacements - The Kids Don't Follow
Gang of Four - At Home He's a Tourist
Test Dept. - Fuckhead
Tears for Fears - Mothers Talk
Hurts - Wonderful Life
Animal Collective - Grass
The Police - Miss Gradenko
Wire  - I Should Have Known Better
Gentle Giant - The Boys in the Band
Leonard Cohen - Avalanche

These tracks were not chosen because of similarities of genres. Some are happy pop songs, others are a brutal mess. You have been warned. Part 2 coming whenever.

What I'm currently listening to > \Alog - Unemployed/

Thanks for reading/listening!

The Name of this band is

I've been away for a looooooong time, so this is going to be a looooooooong entry. Got a wonderful Christmas present from my boyfriend - a record player! Call it outdated, but the quality of vinyl is fantastic, and I can't help but love the artwork. Raiding charity shops for records has now become an interesting past-time. Stepping into a shop the other day, I found out that Bruce 'Die Hard' Willis had a musical career. I promptly handed the single to the girl at the counter. Her face crinkled up in confusion as she observed the record.
"This is a really big CD, you know that? Do you have a really really big CD player?"

Yep, those are my shoes. Yep, that's
Europe. Yep, that's Bruce Willis.

Work also decided to not keep me on a permanent contract. So I'm going to be doing pretty badly for money in a few weeks. But at least I still have my soul intact. I also had a wonderful party to celebrate my 'happy vagina escape day' and I saw the 'Iron Lady' today. I didn't really care about it enough to do a negative blog review, but it taught me that being old will be like getting high - people who aren't there appear in your room, you move more slowly than usual, and you don't have a fucking clue what is going on.

I've wanted to join a band for quite a while now. I love listening to music far too much, and I've been playing the bass for about 2-3 years. And in actual fact I've attempted to join two bands. On both occasions I never went back a second time. In the most recent case, I responded to a ad from a soft rock band that needed a bassist. Without dressing it up, they scared me shitless because they knew what they were talking about when it came to writing and performing music. Needless to say I shat myself, ignored their e-mails and never saw them again.

But my first attempt at joining a band was slightly different. I remember being at my parents for the summer, bored as fuck. So I decided to look up band adverts on different websites. I was quite sad at this point. Sad as in pathetic, because I often just looked at ads, fantasized myself joining that band, never replying. That day was a little different, because some post-punk band that were influenced by Joy Division wanted to start a band. They were only a couple of years older than me. Not only did I love Joy Division like a little puppy (a depressed little puppy that sung about isolation and death), but their bass lines could be played by absolutely anyone. I couldn't deduce much more after phoning one of the guys, bar the fact that he had an extremely thick Glaswegian accent, but we nevertheless met up the next day. We took a train to a part of the city where the number of abandoned buildings and wasteland increased with every stop. He turned out to be very pleasant and interesting to talk to. I told him about the music I liked and the music festival I'd just been to. He told me about their cocaine loving lead guitarist who may or may not be in the band after disappearing without  a word for the last few days and how they'd stolen half their equipment. I thought he was amazing.

"Haha, no there's eh...there's? There is, haha, nothing
wrong with? With! With me, I'm just a little...tired"

Everything looked very promising for the first couple of hours. I was able to play with two other people pretty well. They seemed amazed that I could play Rock the Casbah, and I was amazed by the fact that they could actually write songs. There was no mumbo jumbo I couldn't understand; they simply pointed to the notes I had to play and talked me through it. Things started to deteriorate a few hours in, when I realised I wasn't used to playing for a long period of time at all. My fingers gave out during the songs, and the booze we were all drinking really wasn't helping matters. After that I remember getting very high. I remember them putting me on a couch and getting worried because I laughed without stopping for about half an hour. And I remember getting a bag of marshmallows, and reassuring my mother that I'd be home soon over the phone. It was probably one of the best days of my life. It's a shame they didn't give me another chance, because we got on well and I could have improved. Oh well.

Joining a band, or at least, doing something musical is one of my aims this year. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I better start making a decision soon rather than leaving it to fate. Thinking about it, I've only got about two months of rent + living money so I better get shit sorted then. However, I have some Turkey Dinosaurs in the oven, so it can wait for the time being.

What I'm currently listening to > \Veckatimest - Grizzly Bear/

Thanks for reading!

P.s - I'm on twitter now (@ squidcereal)

Christ Mass

You know that mood you get in when every little thing pisses you off? I'm experiencing it just now. Every little click, every little breath, every little scrunch just makes you want to physically attack someone with a small wooden statue of a duck. I was in Glasgow today for a brief spell, and even though I generally talk about the city in a positive light, today I could not be bothered with crowds of idiots. Many thought it was a great idea to cart around their screaming, semi-aborted placenta accompaniments in car sized prams through the narrowest aisle in the shop. I persevered and got a pair of trainers that didn't have the soles hanging off.

The film that made me drink raw eggs.
Thanks a lot for that, Sly.

It's officially one year (and one day) since I started this blog. Strong sense of deja vu here, typing in the same spot I did a year ago, once again quaking under the monster that lies within my stomach (although a year ago it was my Christmas dinner, today I just need a shit quite badly). Although I'm at my parents, I was at friend's house for the festive celebrations this year. I didn't come down partly because of work, but I probably could have spent it with the family if I'd really tried. But I've being doing almost exactly the same thing for 18 years, so the change was most welcome. Because my brain had been wired to be used to a certain few things, there were a lot of times where it didn't feel like Christmas. Instead of fidgeting about in anticipation of present opening I was busy the whole day. We watched a few films, wasted time on the silly xbox kinnect and had a really nice walk on the beach with my friend's dogs. Time was also dedicated to peeling vegetables, washing vegetables, chopping vegetables, eating vegetables and watching a vegetable ('Rocky' was on after Christmas dinner). Looking back at my first blog post (I didn't have a fucking clue what I was doing, bless) but I sure enjoyed doing it, and because I abandoned a lot of tradition this year I may as well continue with a tradition of my own creation - reviewing my Christmas dinner (out of 10 this time, the superior method of reviewing).


Ham - 8/10 (although the host was a vegetarian, he was kind enough to let the rest of us chew a warm pig corpse in front of him. The glaze we made was nice. Better than Turkey).

Ricotta looks amazing. But it's
actually as bland as fuck.

Cranberry Sauce - 7/10 (completely homemade and rather good, but I ate far too much and went off it)
Spinach and Ricotta pastry thing - 6/10 (Helped the host make it when I was drunk. Interesting but not my cup of tea)
Some fried parsnip thing with seasoning - 9/10 (oh wow mmm fuck mmmmm fucking yum)
Vinegar-ey potato wedge things - 9/10 (mm oh yeah fucking taste mmm)
Roasted vegetables - (Vegetables. Roasted. Not much to say about that.  ¯\(°_o)/¯ )
Mashed potato, mashed turnip - 8/10 (Or 'neeps and tatties'. Pretty ace because I made it).
Cinnamon Waffles - 6.5/10 (Spent a while making these. Not too bad. Not particularly amazing though)

And the result of all this preparation, eating, and merrymaking? Not a blog post, that's for sugar*. But I'm glad I didn't touch a computer in that time. Going onto facebook now, I can clearly see the damage I avoided.  A cesspool of statuses bragging about the useless and uninspired shite people got for Christmas. I didn't get a whole lot this year, gift or money-wise, but I really can't complain. Not once was my enjoyment interrupted yesterday by the lack of gifts or family. My friend Adriene looked at me with wide-eyed shock when I suggested that I might not be spending the 25th with my parents and brother. Every time Adriene does this, I tend to get a bit worried too. But my theory now is little more than this: fuck tradition. Every so often I get lulled into a routine. And when you step outside that dull little routine life can be that little bit more interesting. I suppose that's me being selfish again. But there will be time for the feelings of others later.

I'm soooo tired at the moment, so I guarantee bad mistakes in this post. Hope you all had a lovely christmas.

What I'm currently listening to > \Blur - The Great Escape/

* Meant to say 'sure' but there was an error between brain and fingers. I thought I'd keep the mistake though. It might catch on. Just remember where it all started.

Thanks for reading!

A crusade only of the brave



Watching this kind of film - a great way
to let off some steam. Hahaha!
Kudos to you if you actually got that.



Back in the library my dear readers. I've barely been away from this place over the past week and a bit, chipping away at essays and making announcements about sexually transmitted infections people have when strangers leave their facebook profile left open. There is also no doubt any more about whether or not someone will give me a job. I am now officially employed by the home and leisure section in ASDA (for the yanks that read this, ASDA is a part of Wal-Mart, I think it's essentially the same shop except the only guns we sell are water pistols), working nights. It drains my soul, but the pay is good and the people are nice. I've heard many painful stories about working with customers in retail, but I unfortunately don't have any such tales to tell due to my working hours (between 10pm and 6am) and the section I work in. I only ever see a handful of drunks per night, staggering in to buy a cheap Arnold Schwarzenegger DVD. Or the occasional parent who woke up in the middle of the night in a blind panic, hellbent on ensuring that their spawn had a Christmas present sorted at 1.25 in the morning on the 9th of December. Interestingly enough though, the store I work in sells more alcohol per square foot than any other Wal-Mart owned* store in the world. To say the least, that says a lot about the area that I live and work in.



Ever heard of Primus? Green Naugahyde was their 7th studio album, and it's been one of my favourite albums of the year so far. It's nice to see a band that is still making fantastic releases when they've been around since the eighties. Although never coming particularly high in the charts, the band have popped up in popular culture from time to time, making appearances in guitar hero and Tony Hawk game soundtracks, and composing the South Park Theme. There's something very unique about Primus and their sound. People hopelessly trying to fit them into a genre have simply sighed, given up, and fixed an 'Alernative Rock' sticker onto the band's forehead. Imitation is near impossible, mostly due to the impressive musicianship Primus displays. Very, very few bassists can play Les Claypool's incredibly precise and fast string slapping, let alone imitate it and manage the feat of singing over it. The band's sense of humour is also a unique part of Primus, and a very odd one at that to say the least. You don't even need to listen to them to discover this, with song titles such as 'Pork Chop's little ditty', 'Professor Nutbutter's House of Treats' and 'Last Salmon Man'. Here's a list of their albums and my personal rating



The band's 'in person apearance' didn't go
down too well with the fans



Frizzle Fry - 7/10
Sailing the Seven Seas of Cheese - 8/10
Pork Soda - 6/10
Tales from the Punchbowl - 6/10
Brown Album - 9/10
Antipop - 8/10
Green Naugahyde - 8/10

For a band with three members that uses little more than a bass, vocals, a guitar and drums the majority of the time, the sound varies so intensely between each album. Frizzle Fry and Green Naugahyde have a heavy brand of funk and post-punk flavours, Sailing the Seven Seas of Cheese and the Brown Album have a tight, pop friendly sound, while Pork Soda and Tales from the Punchbowl are full of hazy jams with a dark sense of humour and menace.



This guy is admittedly a little creepy. But he has a bike
replacing his hands. A bike. Where his hands should be.
Jesus.



Guaranteed for every album, however is Claypool acting like every stereotypical circus ringmaster you've ever heard of - standing outside the tent with a toothy grin, encouraging all to roll up and witness the wonders of a Primus release. His eccentric personality perfectly compliments the often silly lyrics, slipping between a nasally whine and a "C'mere boy" type of southern accent. It's hard to comment on the other members due to the fact there have been almost too many to count - constantly leaving and rejoining. I am, however, very pleased to see the return of Jay Lane, one of the original Primus drummers. His funk inspired style was a huge part of the early Primus sound I was particularly fond of, and his reinduction was almost entirely responsible for Claypool's renewed interest in the band.

And this time you are left with no excuse for not at least trying out the band, I've compiled a small selection of some of my favourite Primus tracks for you to listen to right here. Bear in mind that it's a zip file so you'll need winrar or something like that to open it. Have fun!

That's all my coursework done for the Christmas holidays, so I'll try and update this more often. I'd like to get a post in before Christmas actually, but if not then I'll be celebrating a year of this blog on the 25th.

What I'm currently listening to > \Primus - Frizzle Fry (just realised that the opening track mentions Christmas, so you actually have no excuse now)/

Thanks for reading!

Money for Nothing

There's a high possibility that I'm employed now, and I'm saying that as a glass half empty kind of person. Can't say for sure yet, but after successfully passing one stage of the recruitment process for a local supermarket I've been invited back for a 'chat'/informal interview in a couple of days. So unless I accidentally vomit on my potential employers face I think I'm good. A couple of days ago it was HIV/AIDS awareness day. I have never had HIV before. I have, however, had a blastoise before, so I thought it would be more appropriate to celebrate a bizarre facebook event called 'blastoise awareness day' that was attended by 747 people. A truly noble cause to make the youth of today appreciate the original 150 pokemon. I really shouldn't leave these blogs so late, because I've completely forgotten what I've done this week.

Employment looks good. It might change my social life to nil, but I'm a little bit of a hermit anyway so that doesn't matter too much. It will be quite odd having money to spend. Over the past few months I've become very good at saving money. The problem is that I had to learn these little tip and tricks myself. There are plenty of money saving advice websites out there, but none of them seem to realise quite how bad my situation was. It wasn't rally drastic enough. So may I present the hesitant calamari's no holes barred top 5 ways to save money. If you are also poor, feel free to take advantage. If not, then it's always fun to laugh at other's peoples misfortune.

5. - If they say it's 'complimentary' or free, then exploit the shit out of it.
In big supermarkets there are quite often little counters that offer free samples. At busy times, you can get away with taking a few of the things, walking around the supermarket again, and helping yourself. These people see hundreds of people every day, they aren't going to be too bothered about your greed (most of the time). If you are desperate for tissues/toilet paper, public toilets often leave extra rolls lying about, and if the worst comes to the worst, McDonald's and Burger King have napkins readily available. Need to find a wedding/birthday venue? Some places charge hundreds for this sort of thing, others do it for free. Look around a little, you'll be surprised at what you can find.

4. - Lying to public transport workers.
You need a bus, but you don't quite have enough cash to get to where you want to go. No problem. Say your destination is 5 minutes away, when in actual fact it's at the other side of town. The driver doesn't really enough time to stomp out of his seat and order you out. Trains are a little different, saying as how they actually employ someone to watch out for cheap bastards like me. In that case, there's always the toilets. This, however relies on there being no ticket barriers at the station. And hey, jumping over them is an option, but that's not strictly legal territory.

3. - Supermarket bins are your new best friend.

There used to be talking bins at my old school, like these
scary bastards. I'd imagine they'd get pretty hostile if
you took anything from them.

This sounds awful, but you may thank me when you find a fully wrapped chocolate gateau that is still within it's sell-by date. Seriously, supermarkets have to throw out a lot of good food that gets completely wasted if you don't pick up on it. This is something you need to be pretty careful with though. Not just because those in law enforcement and those working at the supermarket don't take kindly to it, but because you could quite easily aim for that can of peaches and find your fingers coated in mouldy HP sauce and toenails.

2. - Don't stray from the magazine rack
Again, this one requires a large supermarket. That magazine may be a good read, but they can usually cost around £5. Stopping to browse them may prevent you from reading in a comfortable area, but it saves a fair bit. Also, libraries. That's what they are for. What difference does it make if you buy a book, really?

1. - Food isn't that expensive. Seriously, it isn't.

Perfect if you can't afford to shell out fo-
arrrggh fuck not a goddamned egg pun

Maybe you don't want to go raking around in bins, or maybe there isn't that great a selection. But Chinese takeaways charge ridiculous amounts for stuff you can buy in supermarkets for half the price. And going further, you can half the price further for making the stuff in jars by yourself. And it (usually) tastes nicer. Eggs are absolutely fantastic for you. You could spend hours finding out the benefits they produce. And when bought in bulk they are ridiculously cheap. Check the reduced section often, take advantage of special offers, and don't be scared to try the value range, more often than not the quality is still great.

I do hope this has been somewhat helpful, because I've avoided an essay to type this.

What I'm currently listening to > \Animal Collective - Feels/

Thanks for reading.